Having Conflict in your Marriage?

Over the years I have seen far too many Christian Marriages and other marriages  come to a sad end.
In some my wife and I have counselled with couples and some have got things together and their marriage has endured and grown.

Others sadly not.

Here are some things to consider for anyone contemplating ending their Christian marriage.

1. It is never God's will that a Christian marriage fails. If it is not His will you can expect He will provide the necessary tools to strengthen and grow your marriage.
He does.

2. You will see a link attached  here to a short video clip by Dr. Charles Solomon of Grace Fellowship International. He points out that the marriage is not the problem but the people in it.
That first the people need to know who they are in Christ and then to know and experience the freedom that being crucified with Christ brings. Dying to self.
Jesus living in you.
Do not be put off by Dr. Solomon's dead pan  delivery. He is an old man in his 90's but this is the wisdom of Solomon in more ways than one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB2uE6gnFx4

3. Another thing that people don't understand is that they are not "wrestling with flesh and blood".
   The devil wants to destroy their Christian home and marriage. He is very happy when they fight with each other and are blinded to what he is doing.
He often uses Christian people to give ungodly advice that is not centered in the Cross of Jesus and all that is available through the Cross.
The wisdom of man that is called "common sense" often prevails.
Common sense is often just that Common!
There are two persons wanting to control our lives.
One is God ,The Holy Spirit, one is the devil.
We have the choice as to who we let take control.
Sadly some Christians don't even realise there  is a devil.

4. It is not too late to save your marriage, sometimes even after separation and divorce.
    Seek Godly counsel and read Christian Literature that is about saving your marriage.
Talk to people who want to help you work it out not those who have already failed in their own marriages or given up.
Many of those if they were honest would tell you that plan B or C or D is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Go to Jesus the Counsellor.
http://geoffthompsonsblog.blogspot.com.au/2011/07/his-name-is-counsellor.html
It can be better than it ever was even after years of bickering and fighting.

5. Learn how to Walk in the Spirit, Abide in Christ . Learn and then practice your faith.
No one is a fully mature, fully developed Christian at their new birth. It is a lifetime growth experience.

You don't have to be perfect to know your freedom in Christ.

6. Do not listen to the lies we have come into our heads such as

"I cannot change how I am, I was born like this."

" I would never give up my beliefs  about  how things should be."

"I can't see that person ever changing and I'm not going to"

"That's not how I was brought up."

7. Realise, if we are Carnal Christians, that we are always trying to justify our sin and poor behaviour by blaming someone else and not looking at ourselves.

We won't let go of our pride.

Lastly listen to this sermon on the link below about the Cross of Christ.

http://geoffthompsonsblog.blogspot.com.au/2009/09/the-cross-of-christ.html

If you listen to it you will see that you will desperately want to forgive all those you have wronged you including the one you are divorcing or separating from.
I qualify that statement by saying to you let the Holy Spirit speak to you through it and you should never be the same again.
Listen to at at least once a week until you get the message of the Cross.

If you are not moved by it then you are being blinded by the enemy.

Read the transcript as you listen to the audio.


your Christian Servant

Geoff Thompson

Ps I am not making light of the struggles and hurt people experience in their marriages.
Where violence is being experienced and ongoing then there is a case for separation.
Personal safety of yourself and loved ones is paramount.

Whether you stay married or not Jesus is the only one who can give you the desires of your heart, not another person, another mate who you might think is compatible. That person also has all the same human failings as your current partner and yourself.

The Ins and Outs of Rejection

a book and Christian teacher that I have found very helpful in my own life and in counselling others is "The Ins and Outs of Rejection" by Charles R. Solomon and also "Handbook to Happiness".
In them the author shows us how our responses to rejection plays such a big part in our lives as we are growing up.

The most interesting concept is the fact that there are 2 basic types of rejection. Overt and Covert. The Overt ones are quite obvious, (physical and sexual abuse) but the Covert are a bit more subtle.
Things like being an adopted child, or an unwanted child or children with Divorced parents( we think we caused the split) can cause us big problems as we search for our identity.

.
Charles  Solomon is a Christian who worked in engineering in America  when

his own personal crisis in his life  caused him to find out about the deeper meaning of the cross in his

life.  He subsequently went on to found a Christian Counselling ministry called Grace Fellowship

International.The organization is still active today in training people to become Christian Counsellors

that is what he calls Christian Disciplers.

In the book Hand Book to Happiness he outlines that the secret of the abundant or happy Christian life is a total entering into the

life of Jesus as a co crucifixion experience as outlined in Galatians 2:20.

“ I have been crucified with Christ; and I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. And the real life

I now have within this body is a result of my trusting in the Son of God,  who loved and gave himself

for me”

When we reckon ourselves dead to self but alive in Christ all sorts of freedom become ours.

We no longer eg need to worry what people think about us because if we are crucified with Christ we

can experience his resurrection power and know that our worth is based in him loving us not anything

else. Also he experienced that rejection on the cross in our place because he loves us.

It is possible for all of us  to  know Peace with God, if we are Christians,

ie forgiveness of sin,escape from judgement and assurance of heaven,

but we may not know the peace of God. The peace that passes all understanding.

 Phillipians 4:6,7.:

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God ,which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus”

It is the peace of God that the neurotic or depressed person or psychologically disturbed person is

desperate  to know.

It is likewise this peace that the seemingly well adjusted person needs even though they may not

understand they have a problem until their comfortable world starts to come apart at the seams.

A big part of our need to know God’s peace and experience the abundant life is tied up in our need to be accepted and loved.




Listen to this verse from a poem by Dr Solomon.


“ Oh to know acceptance
 in a feeling sort of way;
To be known for what I am-
Not what I do or say
It’s nice to be loved and wanted
For the person I seem to be,
But my heart cries out to be loved
For the person who is really me!”

If we are in Christ, we have been crucified with him (Romans 6),
We can know

“ I am accepted”

“ I am secure”

“I am significant”

We can know the deep Love of God through Jesus and be set free.