The Ins and Outs of Rejection

a book and Christian teacher that I have found very helpful in my own life and in counselling others is "The Ins and Outs of Rejection" by Charles R. Solomon and also "Handbook to Happiness".
In them the author shows us how our responses to rejection plays such a big part in our lives as we are growing up.

The most interesting concept is the fact that there are 2 basic types of rejection. Overt and Covert. The Overt ones are quite obvious, (physical and sexual abuse) but the Covert are a bit more subtle.
Things like being an adopted child, or an unwanted child or children with Divorced parents( we think we caused the split) can cause us big problems as we search for our identity.

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Charles  Solomon is a Christian who worked in engineering in America  when

his own personal crisis in his life  caused him to find out about the deeper meaning of the cross in his

life.  He subsequently went on to found a Christian Counselling ministry called Grace Fellowship

International.The organization is still active today in training people to become Christian Counsellors

that is what he calls Christian Disciplers.

In the book Hand Book to Happiness he outlines that the secret of the abundant or happy Christian life is a total entering into the

life of Jesus as a co crucifixion experience as outlined in Galatians 2:20.

“ I have been crucified with Christ; and I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. And the real life

I now have within this body is a result of my trusting in the Son of God,  who loved and gave himself

for me”

When we reckon ourselves dead to self but alive in Christ all sorts of freedom become ours.

We no longer eg need to worry what people think about us because if we are crucified with Christ we

can experience his resurrection power and know that our worth is based in him loving us not anything

else. Also he experienced that rejection on the cross in our place because he loves us.

It is possible for all of us  to  know Peace with God, if we are Christians,

ie forgiveness of sin,escape from judgement and assurance of heaven,

but we may not know the peace of God. The peace that passes all understanding.

 Phillipians 4:6,7.:

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God ,which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus”

It is the peace of God that the neurotic or depressed person or psychologically disturbed person is

desperate  to know.

It is likewise this peace that the seemingly well adjusted person needs even though they may not

understand they have a problem until their comfortable world starts to come apart at the seams.

A big part of our need to know God’s peace and experience the abundant life is tied up in our need to be accepted and loved.




Listen to this verse from a poem by Dr Solomon.


“ Oh to know acceptance
 in a feeling sort of way;
To be known for what I am-
Not what I do or say
It’s nice to be loved and wanted
For the person I seem to be,
But my heart cries out to be loved
For the person who is really me!”

If we are in Christ, we have been crucified with him (Romans 6),
We can know

“ I am accepted”

“ I am secure”

“I am significant”

We can know the deep Love of God through Jesus and be set free.

Are you happy? Really happy?

Are you really happy?

A pastor friend recently said to me he could not say his life was essentially a happy one at the moment as far as how he would like it to be, but he was happy in the Grace of God.

I can say amen to that.

What is happiness is a question we might ponder when we are feeling desperately unhappy.

I have just started reading the confessions of St Augustine which is a truly remarkable work.

Below is a little snippet form this work.

The Confessions Book 10
Chapter 22. A Happy Life is to Rejoice in God, and for God.
32. Let it be far, O Lord,— let it be far from the heart of Your servant who confesses unto You; let it be far from me to think myself happy, be the joy what it may. For there is a joy which is not granted to the “wicked,” Isaiah 48:22 but to those who worship You thankfully, whose joy You Yourself art. And the happy life is this—to rejoice unto You, in You, and for You; this it is, and there is no other. But those who think there is another follow after another joy, and that not the true one. Their will, however, is not turned away from some shadow of joy.