It is a tragedy today that so many marriages end in divorce and tears and sometimes domestic violence.
Our family and circle of friends has been at times greatly affected by such things.
While this post does not specifically deal with your actual situation if you have come here with some desperation, for a Christian couple, the teaching here is a great place to start.
Some years ago my wife and I had some marriage counselling with Frank Hunting.
He was our pastor at the time.
You will find more about Frank in the link below to my specifically Christian blog.
This post is from a collection of Frank's written Bible studies.
We were a young couple with children at the time facing all the challenges of keeping it together.
We were already Christians.
We were active in our Church but still needed help.
We just did pretty much what is recommended here.
(We were strong enough in our faith, by God's grace, not to need any follow up counselling with Frank although I personally had many conversations and discussions with him over many years.)
This study by him is along the lines of how we were counselled and we were able to put these ideas into practice.
While this study is mainly for people who are already Christians there is no reason why non Christians cannot benefit from this if they decided to become Christians.
" WHEN TROUBLE COMES WHAT TAKES PLACE?
Always the partners in the marriage focus their attention on the faults of
their opposite partner.
In their minds they list the faults of the opposite partner.
They think about these.
They argue about these.
They argue about these ,both in their minds and together.
They brood on these faults.
They build up tremendous emotional reactions to each other as a result
of this thinking and brooding on these faults.
NOW WHAT IS THE OUTCOME OF ALL OF THIS?
about each other becomes
They see little of good in their partner and what they do is overwhelmed by
the faults they see.
2. The only thing they can see about their marriage is the faults
and wrongs of their partner.
This convinces them no change for the better is possible in their marriage.
3. They become absolutely despairing and hopeless about any
resolution to their marriage.
This despair and hopelessness prevents them from recognising and believing the
truth that Christ can so change each one in the marriage partnership as to
make it possible for a new marriage to be constructed under God's guidance.
THIS STATE OF THINGS NOT ONLY BLINDS SUCH PEOPLE TO THE TWO THINGS THAT WOULD CHANGE THEIR MARRIAGE , BUT MAKES THEM RESISTANT TO THESE TWO THINGS.
1. People are so stirred up over what is wrong in their marriage that, when they are told what can save can save and change their marriage,
THEY REFUSE TO SEE IT AND BELIEVE IT.
2. Secondly, brooding as they do over the sins and faults and wrongs of their partner,
the devil is able to make them
STRONGLY RESISTANT TO THE ANSWER TO THEIR PROBLEM MARRIAGE.
WHAT ARE THE TWO THINGS THAT WILL CHANGE ANY MARRIAGE THAT IS BREAKING OR BROKEN?
1. THE FIRST IS TO BRING JESUS INTO THE MARRIAGE.
HE HAS THE ANSWER TO ANY MARRIAGE PROBLEM.
Let me issue a note of warning at this point.
Don't assume because two people are Christians they will bring Jesus into their marriage situations.
The only place where some Christians leave Jesus out of their living, is in their relationship
with their marriage partner.
But once Christ is given control of any marriage partnership, true change for the better will begin.
2 THE SECOND THING IS: IF WE WANT CHANGE IN OUR MARRIAGE THAT CHANGE MUST BEGIN IN "ME" NOT THE OTHER PARTNER
This is the way change comes into a marriage.
If you want change in your marriage.
If you want understanding.
If you want appreciation.
If you want peace instead of argument.
Let it start in you.
DON'T DEMAND IT START IN YOUR PARTNER.
The resistance brought to OPPOSE THESE TWO WORKABLE SOLUTIONS TO MARRIAGE PROBLEMS IS FORMIDABLE.
HOW DO YOU BRING CHRIST INTO YOUR MARRIAGE?
1. FIRST YOU MUST BRING HIM RIGHT INTO THE CENTRE AND CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE
2. IF YOU HAND THE CONTROL OF YOUR
OVER TO JESUS HE WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
If you are determined to let Him change your home and will carry out what He tells you, you can listen to His guidance as to what you are to do.-AND IF YOU ARE GENUINE HE WILL TELL YOU.
HE will tell you .
where you are to change.
what you are not to say.
what wrong feelings you must give up.
what ways you are to
show love and make your
partner happy. "
My prayer is that if you have come across this post at just the right time in your crisis you will be able to let Jesus reconstruct your marriage.